My Sanctuary

I’d watch the sunset just sitting their on the edge of the rock that was overlooking the field and the playground as the sun shifted colors. What once was a bright blue sky with white marshmallow clouds, turned into pink cotton candy clouds of red and orange mixed into one each other. It was as if someone was on the other side of the sky, taking a brush and mixing different warm colors together, to create a painting for others to see, for others to capture with their own eyes. Moment’s like these were the moments that I lived for. These were the days where my mom would call me downstairs to look at the sky, as I’d race down the stairs to look up at the beauty the artist had created for me to see.

Looking up at the sky gave me a type of peaceful feeling. a  feeling whereas I internally became more and more relaxed just by even looking up at the sky. This feeling drew away my worries, my fears, the things that were making me upset. The sunset was full of serenity; and it lifted me up when I was feeling down. It reminded me that life is full of colors. Full of different experiences, not just the good , but sometimes the bad. Although, we shouldn’t worry, because every single day we have a new painting created for ourselves. A new painting filled with new goals, different values, different things that makes us original from everyone else. This painting reflects who we are as people and everyone looks at the sunsets differently in a way.

When I look at sunsets I think of the things that I look forward to every single day. The things I like about school and the things that make me excited just to even do in my classes. When I look at sunsets I completely block out all of the negatives. The things that I don’t look forward to when it comes to school, or the things that that I’m thinking about too much and probably shouldn’t be. As human beings, it is human nature to overthink and allow the negativity to draw out all of the positives in your life and all of the happiness. Although, each and every one of us has something that takes us away from that overthinking, from those negatives. To me, one of them is the sunset. To others, it may be taking long walks to clear your mind, or sometimes people may even organize everything just to simply be able to think straight.

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Some people may look up at sunsets and think about a specific memory they have of someone, or even think of someone who loves the color pink. We all are looking at the same sunset but one sunset can remind each and every one of us of different memories. We don’t all have to be thinking about the positives and the good things that makes us happy in school. Instead, you can be looking at the sunset and thinking of your family or of someone who you really really love but could never tell them.

Our thoughts are like sunsets; filled with so much color and emotion but they could never be written down. We think so much about how we feel about different things or other people, but we never really feel the need to write them down. Usually people feel silly writing down what they feel. Although, in my sanctuaries, whether it is outside in my front yard or the park near my house, {Bible st. Park} I usually like to write down what I’m thinking. Whether it is a journal entry, a poem or even a bunch of random things that I heard people say or quotes that I’ve seen online, I’ll write them all down. Writing things down gives me a sense of safety, a sense of security. My journals and my writing are the closest things that I have.

I mean, if we were talking about a person here, I’d mention my sister, because well, she and I are very close. Even just being with her and hanging out with her is something that I love but holding onto someone for so long, for them to be your sanctuary probably isn’t the best thing for you and that other person. I remember, a while ago, someone told me that I was their medicine. That I apparently solved all their problems and without me they would be lost. To them, for some time, I was their sanctuary. Now they have moved on and found a different place, or more realistically,  a different thing to help them with the negativeness that was going on in their lives.

Unlike this person, who instead used people and objects to feel safe and loved, my sanctuary is not only the sunsets in the sky and the writing in my journals but it’s that lovely feeling of sitting outside and being able to feel the earth beneath you. To just be able to sit outside and allow yourself to lay on the grass not worrying about how many mosquitoes might bite you or whether or not your clothes will get dirt on them. My sanctuary is to just be able to sit outside and open up The Clearing by: Heather Davis and get consumed by this other world written on these soft felt pages. My sanctuary is being able to sit outside on the edge of the rock overlooking the field and the playground and listen to some of my favorite songs on one of my spotify playlists. Songs that reminded me of the good memories and the things I looked forward to in the day. Things like writing new poems and taking more walks. Or rather, things like the sunsets and the pink cotton candy clouds floating over my head.

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